A Companion in Chaos

Earlier this month, my position at work was dissolved leaving me (and others) suddenly unemployed. One Monday I’m prepping for a presentation and the next I’m on hold with the unemployment office. It was an odd reality to accept. This was something I only shared on a “need to know basis” and honestly, I intended to keep it that way. I hoped to press forward and tell everyone the “good news” of what God had done after I was on the other side it. I also knew my circumstance warranted questions I didn’t have the answer to and truthfully, I didn’t want to embrace that. Yesterday, as I was laying in bed still unsure of what's next, I felt as though my situation was not just about me. I sensed that keeping this message internally was counterproductive and that someone else needed a companion in their chaos.

Hi. My name is Ashli and I am your prayer partner but also your companion.

I’ll be the first to say that I have no idea what is ahead. I know WHO is ahead — Jesus — however the knowledge that Jesus is ahead doesn’t permanently silence the inner turmoil prompted by my humanity. I’m learning that it’s possible to experience spiritual peace and human grief simultaneously. That tug of war between our flesh and our spirit is REAL.

I don’t know who is experiencing a sudden loss or transition, but I’m here to affirm that it is OKAY vocalize that you feel out of sorts. Prayerfully, God has blessed you healthy community to bear these burdens with. Allow others to weep with you just as you allow others to rejoice with you. I understand some griefs are kept within a trusted circle. However, if that is not your case, you won’t get a badge of nobility for keeping your struggle to yourself. It could be the key that unlocks freedom for you and the people you share it with. I think about those who have been open about their walks through diagnoses, hardship and loss while in the thick of it. I think about how moved I was for them but also encouraged by their freedom to say “This is where I’m at and it’s not pretty.” I just want to say, I see you, I understand and what you’re experiencing is valid.

Now, I would be doing you a disservice if, after spilling the truth of my situation, I didn’t tell you about the Truth of God’s word.

His Word (I just got chills because I know God is a man of his word!!) …His word, tells us that Holy Spirit is our ultimate companion in chaos. He is not disappointed in your reaction or your need to process in a safe space. He is not rejecting your tears, confusion, or ambivalence. God is doing what God does and remaining steadfast. He is eager to deploy His spirit to guide, advocate, intercede, help but also comfort us. God recognizes that there will be loss and disappointment that requires help. John 14:16-18 reads, “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, so that He may be with you forever;  the Helper is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him; but you know Him because He remains with you and will be in you”. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 also reads, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God”

Sometimes we need to feel like whatever state we are in, we are seen, understood, held and affirmed. That’s what the Comforter does and that’s who the Spirit is.

Change and transition is a lot to process. For me, this isn’t just the loss of a job/income but a loss of the day to day socialization and structure. It’s the loss of health insurance and the therapy appointments covered by it. It’s the loss of a conversation starter when people ask “What do you do for work?” It’s all the little things.

I’m being honest with myself, God and others and saying “Hey, this is where I’m starting and it’s highly uncomfortable, but what’s exciting is, this is not where I am staying”. He's not done until it’s good. The Lord has gone before me and is making preparations for what’s ahead and this same truth applies to you, too.

Accept the truth of your temporary circumstance, but remember, the truth of God’s word is forever.

I’ll leave you with this charge from Romans 12: 12-15, “Love in Action” — “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”